i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
