And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
