If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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