Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
