Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize