Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize