I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
