Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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