we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
