Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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