bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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