I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
