Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
