I'm so fucking centered right now
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
