Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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