If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
