Me too!
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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