While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
