I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
