I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm like, not good at living.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize