Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
