okay pat passed out under dana's car
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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