SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize