I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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