the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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