Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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