why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
