for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
