i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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