I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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