they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he was CRYING into my vagina
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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