You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
