I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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