you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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