No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
