Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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