he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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