You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I don't think brook has ever known best
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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