o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
