We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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