Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
