i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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