home. puking in laundry basket.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
