Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
