i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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