sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
