I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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