Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
