No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
