do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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