Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
