did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
