Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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