Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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