It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
