dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
