Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
