She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
