she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Watching her eat just hurts me
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
