I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
