Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
i now understand why vodka
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
