I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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