she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
