the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
