I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize