Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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