I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Rumble strips road head = magical
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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