Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
