Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
