I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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